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{November 13, 2012}   Narcissistic Mothers, V

Narcissistic mothers have to be the center of attention at all times. This need is a defining trait of narcissists and particularly of narcissistic mothers for whom their children exist to be sources of attention and/or adoration. A narcissistic mother may spend time primping and planning to be the star of odd occasions such as memorials and hospital visits or seasonal celebrations where she can be the center of attention. She may love to entertain so she can be the life of her own party. She will try to steal the spotlight or will try to spoil any occasion where someone else is the center of attention, particularly the child she has cast as the scapegoat. Entertaining herself is unthinkable. She pouts, manipulates or rages if you plan something without her, don’t want to entertain her, refuse to wait on her, stymy her plans for a drama or otherwise deprive her of attention.

Older narcissistic mothers often use the natural limitations of aging to create dramas, often by neglecting their health or by doing things they know will make them ill. This gives them the opportunity to cash in on the investment they made when they trained others to wait on them. They call you (or better still, get the neighbor or the nursing home administrator to call you) demanding your immediate attendance. You are expected to rush to her side, pat her hand, weep over her pain and listen sympathetically to her unending complaints about how hard and awful it is. It’s almost never the case that you can actually do anything useful to help her. , The causes of her disability may have been completely avoidable, but she has put in the difficult position of being the caretaker of her disability. If you don’t provide the audience and attention she’s manipulating you to receive, she attempts to make you feel guilty and also look bad to everyone else. Narcissistic behaviors commonly accompany Alzheimer’s disease, so this behavior may also occur in perfectly normal mothers as they age.

 

 

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